390
PHILIP
ROTH
father, but I must have the truth from you. Is it just french fries,
or is it more? Tell me, please, what other kind of garbage you're
putting into your stomach so we can get to the bottom of this diar–
rhea. Alex, I want a straight answer. Are you eating hamburgers out?
Answer me, please, is that why you flushed the toilet? Did it have
hamburger in it, is that why?"
"I told you-I don't look in the bowl when I flush it! I'm not
interested like you are in other people's poopie! "
"Oh, oh, oh-fourteen years old and the mouth on you! To
someone who is asking a question about
your
health,
your
welfare!"
Her hurt, plus the utter incomprehensibility of the situation, causes
her eyes to become heavy with tears. "Alex, why are you getting like
this? Tell me please, what horrible things have we done to you all
our lives that this should be our reward?" I believe the question
strikes her as original. I believe she considers the question unanswer–
able. And worst of all, so do
I.
What
have
they done for me all their
lives, but sacrifice? Yet that this is precisely the horrible thing is be–
yond my understanding-and still, Doctor, still! To this day !
I brace myself now for the whispering. I can spot the whispering
coming a mile away. We are about to discuss my father's headaches.
"Alex, he didn't have a headache on him today that he could
hardly see straight from it?" She looks up quickly to be sure he is
still out of earshot; God forbid he should hear how critical his condi–
tion is. He might claim exaggeration. "He's not going next week for
a test for a tumor?"
"He is?"
" 'Bring him in,' said the doctor, 'I'm going to give him a test
for a tumor.' "
Success. I am crying. There is no good reason for me to
be
crying, but in this household everybody tries to get a good cry in at
least once a day. My father, you must understand-as probably you
do-has been going for this tumor test every month now for as long
as I can remember. Why his head aches him
all
the time is because
he is constipated all the time-why he is constipated is because
ownership of his intestinal tract is in the hands of the firm of Worry,
Fear
&
Frustration. It is true that the doctor once said to my mother
that he would give him a test for a tumor-if that would make her
