662
RAMON SENDER
She seemed to take offense at Amer's words:
"No? You haven't seen me in one of those crises.
When
the
lunar days come it's as if I fall into a dark well. And nobody can
tolerate me. Everything around me seems to be ending and I
feel that I am never going to see the light of day again. I
understand that you want to help me and that's why you say
I'm not
ill.
It must be difficult for you doctors to come to a party
like this, and talk with us, because you want to make us believe
that we are normal and this is kind, but also rather ridiculous
and, as Dr. Smith says, contraindicated. A normal person can
be
deceived, but it's much harder to deceive an insane one. Really.
Nature gives us some compensation. It takes away our intelli–
gence but gives us flashes of genius once in a while. And in those
flashes we see more than you do, I believe. And sometimes we
divine hidden things."
Matilda's smile revealed that madness could also be a state
of grace now and then. Arner grinned foolishly and thought:
"This girl doesn't need any movie heroine's mask to be seduc–
tive."
Over the terrace a bat was flying back and forth. Arner
said to himself: "It looks like two bats, but there
is
only one
and its shadow." And he asked:
"Do you feel so bad during those lunar days?"
"You can't imagine.
They
have to put me in a straight
jacket and take me to a room where the floor and walls are
padded."
Arner was silent, impressed, and suddenly it occurred to
him that what people said about Matilda could be true.
They
said that she had tried to kill her second husband. Matilda went
on talking:
"Here am I just as you see me, so reasonable, but when I
fall into one of those crises I become a wild .animal. Once I tore
open a vein with my teeth and since then they put me
in
a
straight jacket. Even
sO ...
again I bit my tongue, hurt myself.
Don't you hear that I can't pronounce some words distinctly? I
