68
PARTISAN REVIEW
manners really are for the sake of deepening one's understanding of
literature and literary criticism. Fortunately this fall a new book
on good manners was published, Amy Vanderbilt's
Complete Book
of Etiquette.
It is a work which should fascinate and educate most
readers, if it is true, as Mr. Aldridge says, that most people in
America have no manners at all. Mrs. Vanderbilt is kindly, clear,
patient, democratic, liberal, tolerant: she tells one how to address
dukes, ambassadors and rabbis, how to leave early without "elabor–
ate and lengthy excuses," how to get rid of guests who won't go
home: I doubt that Mrs. Vanderbilt's methods would work with some
of my acquaintances, but Mrs. Vanderbilt might make a rather
pointed remark in answer. She also takes up the question of what
to do about guests and friends who are problem drinkers; before
dinner, she says, give all guests two drinks, after dinner give them
just one drink and no more: "The most agreeable solution, natur–
ally, would be to omit from our guest list anyone who is a problem
drinker. But as this is rarely
[!]
possible for business
[!]
or family
[!]
reasons, the only thing we can do, as hosts and hostesses, is to
keep a sharp eye on the source of supply. keep track of each round,
and lock up all the alcohol
[!],
including wine and beer, after a
reasonable
[!]
amount has been dispensed."5 This advice, unlike most
of Mrs. Vanderbilt's counsel, seemed like madness to me.
It
also
seemed impractical, since the problem drinkers would soon break off
relations or would arrive with their own liquor and stay until they
had finished. Mad, impractical, and also rude and cruel advice: per–
sonally I would no more deny a problem drinker a drink than I
would deny myself one. And as for locking up the liquor, this sug–
gests a distrust of one's friends which is also rude, unpleasant and
im–
practical. But by and large Mrs. Vanderbilt is illuminating as well as
magnanimous; she tells one how often to have one's hair cut, how
often to take a bath, how to brush one's teeth, how to feel about be–
ing bald (think nothing of it : "Satyrs are depicted as bald"), and
how important it is to smell good, since human beings have more in
common with the hound than is usually supposed, a reference which
did seem a little indelicate and invidious.
..
My study of Mrs. Vanderbilt was suddenly halted and I was
restored to literature abruptly when I read about the well-groomed
5 The exclamation points are mine.
