NEW YEAR'S EVE
339
that perhaps each of them existed for
him
only in a limited sense
as a unique individuality.
Delia Jones was now free of the inhibitions which had tormented
her so much. She had had four strong highballs. She began to look
about at the men of the party whom she did not know and wonder
what it would be like to have them make love to her.
It
is different
with everyone, one of her female friends had told her. It is the same
with everyone, Oliver had reported. Delia did not look at the men she
already knew, deluded by the view that they had already decided
against her, since she was not attractive enough.
Nicholas O'Neil remained outside of the zone of false or specious
well-being. He still sat upon the bathroom rim and left only when
someone else wanted to enter. This became more and more frequent
as the drinking continued. Since Nicholas had had nothing to drink,
he was alienated from the party in every sense. Finally he decided
that it was useless to remain in the bathroom any longer, for he was
discommoded so often by the tide of events. Hence he donned his
wet socks and shoes again, returned to the living room, and looked
with a critical eye at the happy people.
Wilhelmina regarded Shenandoah as he sat relaxed and thus
free from the distortions of self-consciousness. He seemed almost
attractive now, but not at other times, for he was so self-conscious
that
he
was unable to sing with thousands when the Star-Spangled
Banner was played at Madison Square Garden. Wilhelmina told the
story of the labyrinthine bureaucracy of the Emergency Relief Bureau
where she was employed. St. Francis himself, she explained, would be
regarded as difficult by the Bureau, if he were on relief, because he
gave food away to the birds.
Hearing Wilhelmina and suffering from echolalia and a banal
association of ideas, Nicholas exclaimed:
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" for the idea of St. Francis as unable
to
get relief in the Irish Catholic city of New York struck him as
being as inconceivable as the Immaculate Conception.
Oliver Jones, disturbed more and more because he had hurt
Shenandoah's feelings, tried to renew conversation with him. But
Shenandoah was lost in the thought of how happy he might be, were
he but able to believe in the divinity of Jesus Christ.
"God in a girl's womb!
it
is not conceivable," he said sadly and
half-aloud.
Oliver, being unable to gain Shenandoah's attention, looked
to see what Delia was doing. She was sitting next to Horatio Lapin,
