FATHER AND SON
159
through the dark hallways at night without turning on a light. I
suffered a thousand frights before I got the courage to pull my head
out from under the covers, run to the doorway, slip my hand out into
the hall and click on the light switch. And, even at that, the creaking
of the floor boards under my own weight made me shiver and almost
cry if I thought that no one was up to help me in case there was
trouble. But I never knew what kind of trouble it would be.
I didn't know then, either, from what kind of trouble I was pro–
tecting myself by holding on to my father's hand. I just knew that
thefe would be some trouble
if
I had to meet that gang of boys by
myself, trouble that would be sure to scare me. And when I got
scared there was nothing that would reassure me except to run away.
But that didn't really help. There would be two frights then. The
situation didn't vanish just because I made my feet fly fr0m it. It
stayed with me. And the more it stayed with me the more I became
frightened of myself.
It was terrible to be frightened in the broad warm sunlight. It
was more terrible for my father to know it. He must have noticed
an involuntary shudder, because he said to me: "What's the matter,
Moishala? Why are you shivering? You're not cold, are you? It's
so nice and sunny out today. Ah, it's a
machaiah.
What more does
a man need today?
If
he's got his eyes open and
his
nerves ready,
there's a whole world of treasures to be found in such simple things
as walking along a street on a nice sunny afternoon." Already he was
beginning to forget the source which had prompted him to speak
and was beginning to ramble on, mostly to himself, I'm sure. "See,
Moishala, see how the sun makes even that gray garage look like
it's living. Come, let's stand in the sun for a few minutes and take in
as much as we can. Come," he added, as I momentarily hesitated,
"come over here."
He led me by the hand to the front of the garage that faced the
street and the sun. It was the spot on the block where the sun seemed
to be most concentrated; where you would have gone, as we used to,
to set fire to a piece of newspaper by catching and focusing the rays
of the sun onto it through a ten cent magnifying glass.
"Look," father said, "do as I do." He took
his
hat off, stood
straight so that
his
back touched the garage, threw out
his
chest,
lifted his head, closed his eyes, and seemed to melt right into the rays
of light and heat. "Breathe deeply," he said, "breathe deeply and
regularly.
If
you breathe right, you get the sun into your nose," he
added with a laugh, "and then you'll have hair grow in your nose."
At this I could not help but laugh, and the laugh that it got oQt
