Vol. 9 No. 1 1942 - page 67

B. T. It 1.*
Rayner Heppenstall
SOME
CUARDS
"e not so bad as othm. On some gu"d. you take about
five minutes to mount, and then you get your tea. On others, you come
out hlancoed up to the eyes and stand around for an hour while sergeants,
sergeant-majors, orderly officers and field officers criticise your chin, your
buttons, the length of your hair, t.he powder on your brasses, the tar on
your greatcoat hem and the dust in the welt of your boots until you begin
to feel that you suffer from an halitosis and a
B.
0. so vigorous that only
your best friend could ever keep quiet about them.
On
some guards you
can take off your hoots to sleep. On others, you keep on your greatcoat,
tin-hat, gasbag, gas-cape, ammunition pouches and straps shoulder web–
bing all night and all the following day. On some guards you are turned
.out for a brigadier every half hour. On others, you mooch around for a
bit in six halaclavas and three pairs of gloves, and the women of the vil–
lage bring you out pots of tea and plates of soda bread, and as soon as the
orderly officer has done his rounds you can wander into the cookhouse and
make yourself tea and settle down for the night without ever bothering to
go round and waken your relief.
In the artillery, you don't have bayonets. That is a mercy, hut on the
other hand it makes the I.
R.
A. less afraid of you. Not that I have any·
thing against the
I.
R. A. I have been right in the heart of the Bad Lands,
and I always found them to be nice chaps, generous with their drinks and
free with their hearths and their daughters. They are quite frank. They
say,
"We like you, hut we hate your uniform," and then they get on with
the serious business of being friendly and keep it up long after you've
made it clear that you're giving away no military information, even if you
~ad
any. But they do get the least bit troublesome once in a while. Twice
they rushed our guard, not where I myself was stationed, but at Bally–
downdilly where the horse-fairs are held every month. Three of the 16th
Cwmrhondda Horse were stabbed when they pinched the only three girls
in the village on Boxing Night. And I have been told of several houses in
which are kept rifles and ammunition that the Quartermaster has been
explaining away for a long time.
Unfortunately, these excitements are rare, and I recommend any man
of sensitive nature to get a stripe or become an officer's batman or a sani–
tary
orderly at the first opportunity. The best you can ordinarily hope for
on
a
guard is that somebody will get a spare round up the spout and let
'The
Jri~h
Command. The letters stand for British Troops in Ncrth Ireland.
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