10
PARTISAN REVIEW
lower branches, and then I walked away and went in the house with–
out looking back.
That night the sleet changed to rain and the ice melted. When
I went out in the morning the tree stood gaunt and black and wet
in a litter of broken twigs. I couldn't tell whether it was dead or alive,
but I put my hand on the old trunk girdled by rot and thought, Even
this rot is good in its way; it's real, you can see it, you can see what
it will do. I could see how the tree had fought it. For a minute every–
thing seemed clear, and then I remembered my father's face at the
window.
Aunt Freda was always asking me why I didn't go to town and
meet some young people my own age, so one Sunday night I got out
the Ford and drove in to Epworth League. I didn't know anybody but
a couple of boys I had played basketball with on the high school team.
I thought maybe they'd be there and I could talk to them. I got there
early. A bunch of kids near my own age were standing around outside
the church door. I didn't see either of the fellows I knew. I thought of
going inside and sitting down, but I could see through the door that
the church was empty except for a couple of :women and I didn't
want to sit in there with them. One of the girls was pretty. She wasn't
giggling like the rest. They were all talking about parties I hadn't
been invited to and about things that had happened at school. They
didn't pay any attention to me. I wasn't a town boy, I guess t4at made
a difference. I couldn't think of anything to say. I had been listening
too long. I felt all shut up and dead inside, but I felt too, that if that
girl came over and said something to me I'd burst out crying right
in front of them. It was a good night. You could already smell spring.
A new moon was shining. When the church bell rang I didn't go
inside with them. I got in the Ford and drove around for a while so
Aunt Freda wouldn't ask why I had come home so early, and then
I went home. I was glad to be back in the room. Bran was still sitting
up reading his paper when I came in. I sat by the stove for a while
and then went to bed.
They were young, and I was young too, but I didn't belong
with them.
In March
it
was still too wet to plow. It rained almost every day.
They said it rained more that winter than they could ever remember.
Bran couldn't work outdoors, so he washed the dishes. My father
wiped them. I guess they were as glad for something to do as I had
been. Working together they forgot to hate each other. They would
laugh and talk about things they had done when they were boys .. .
how they used to herd sheep and jump their horses over the gullies.
