THE SURRE&LISTS
15
The Surrealists despise mere plodding prose. They have time oh
their hands and many cocktails to consume. They likewise have plenty
of Imperial Japan paper. And so, they hold symposiums for the "irra–
tional penetration of the nature of objects."
Symposium No. 1 has to do with the glass globule. Here are the
questions:
"Is the globule conducive to love?
"Of which sex is it?
"To what philosophic system is it related?
"In what part of the feminine body would you place it?
"Supposing the woman were dead?
"To what crime does it correspond?"
Breton asserts that the globule is of the feminine sex, while Eluard
insists that it is masculine. The globule is conducive to love.
As
for the
philosophers, there is a free-for-all of Hegel, Nostradamus, Kant, Hera–
clitus, each attempting to outdo the other in cleverness. They agree upon
placing the globule in the shameful parts, irrespective of whether the indi–
vidual is alive or dead. And finally, the globule corresponds to any num–
ber of crimes, from pocket-picking to vampirism.
After the gobule, the poets turn their attention to the scrap of velvet.
The questions:
"vVhat language does velvet speak?
"What is its profession?
"To what perversion does it correspond?"
Upon due reflection, the poets come to the conclusion that velvet is
polyglot. One maintains that it speaks Celtic, another, that its tongue is
Bulgarian. There is violent disagreement as to its profession, with talk
of prostitution, the manufacture of spirits, pimping, martyrdom, secre–
tarial functions, and what not. At any rate, the Surrealists, who are
experts on the subject, are satisfied that it tends to represent the sum total
of perversions.
This scientific activity keeps up, and poets may be heard inqctiring
of one another, in all seriousness: "What portion of the map of Denmark
would you prefer for purposes of masturbation?" From geography, they
go on to history, pulling figures out of their hats. Going back to the year
409 of our era, they begin by considering what life was like in that year.
For example, how many inhabitants did Paris have? And the answer is:
one-thousand-eight-hundred-fifty-seven. Some one disagrees: there were,
all in all, but three inhabitants. Then, returning to their favorite prob–
lem: "How did one approach a woman in the year 409 ?" Opinions
differ. A Surrealist somewhat lacking in imagination replies: "One opened
an umbrella and said, 'Madam, it is going to rain'." Another, more heroic
