Brett Cortelletti
Obituary

What if when we died we were
            cannibalized to a recipe of our choice,
and a funeral would be limited
            to as many as we could feed. If you
loved me, douse my muscles in salt

to sit overnight and tenderize
            before marinating them in a ziplock bag
with soy sauce, garlic, and ginger
            for seven hours before roasting them low
and slow and serving over rice

with bourbon sauce and a bone broth
            soup on the side. When everyone's plates
are clean and you start to get sleepy,
            feel no need to tell stories or draft eulogies,
that's what the recipe was for. And if

the thought of cannibalism upsets
            your stomach, consider all the money
you've saved by sparing the flowers
            and a casket.

Now When Jesus Came, He Found that Lazarus had Already Been in the Tomb Four Days

and his will had been executed. Lazarus's
pound of oil was left to Martha, but Mary
disputed the will, saying that Lazarus was ill
and if in proper health would have left
it to her. Whatever the tax collector couldn't
take was left for his father who used the
denarii to wipe away his family's tears.
Then there was a little hiccup when it turned
out that Lazarus wasn't so dead after all,
and he wanted his stuff back. The High Priest,
who got an almost brand-new lawnmower
out of the ordeal, thought about having Lazarus
re-killed for good measure, but decided that one
death was good enough to validate the will.
Now Lazarus had nothing but his second life.
He sat across the room watching as Mary
anointed Jesus's feet with the oil he bought
as a souvenir on his trip to Cancun. For a while
Lazarus bummed around, sleeping on couches
that used to be his until everyone got tired
of his freeloading. He lived out the rest of his days
in a trailer park where all the lottery winners
moved after they'd squandered what they won.
When Jesus died, nobody mentioned a will,
and when he heard that Jesus had resurrected,
Lazarus rolled his eyes.

_ _

Brett Cortelletti is a senior at Malone University in Canton, Ohio majoring in English Education; next year, he plans to pursue an MFA. In addition to being a reader and a writer, he is also a competitive long-distance runner. Most recently, his work has appeared or will appear in forthcoming issues of Switchback Journal, 30 North, and The Tulane Review.

>> Back to Issue 22, 2019