<\/p>\n
\nJess has a way with guys. She talks in ways guys get. I never thought we\u2019d chill. Never thought I was cool enough. Then one day I come out to the big log by the quarry and she\u2019s smoking like she\u2019s here every day. I stopped thinking she\u2019s using me for my parent\u2019s bud. Dunno why else she\u2019s hanging with me, what\u2019s in it for her. I\u2019m already telling her about my dream. It\u2019s messed me up. I\u2019m lying naked in bed and these big-ass scissors come out of nowhere and open up around my junk and lop it off. It doesn\u2019t hurt, I tell her, and there\u2019s no blood, which is weird cuz I know there\u2019d be mad amounts of blood. Not surprised, says Jess, little freak like you having dreams about cutting off your pud. We\u2019re whittling birch with our new bowies. Jess bought them from Jake. He sells shit like that. Jake was gonna overcharge her but Jess knows how to handle him.<\/p>\n
I\u2019d do it for \u2018ya, says Jess.<\/p>\n
No fucking way.<\/p>\n
I would, you\u2019d be better without it.<\/p>\n
Fuck. How would I piss?<\/p>\n
Like I do. But that\u2019s something you have to be really totally sure about cuz that shit ain\u2019t coming back. It\u2019s not like you\u2019re gonna find it rolling around in a drawer some day.<\/p>\n
That night I\u2019m in my sleeping bag under my bed pulling one out and thinking about my junk rolling around in a drawer. I can\u2019t get hard, it\u2019s getting all chewed up, but I can\u2019t stop so long\u2019s my dad\u2019s beating the shit outta my mom and all that racket\u2019s going on downstairs. I just jerk till it\u2019s over. And Hamlet\u2019s staring at me from my desk. Totally didn\u2019t read that. Makes me wanna wank even harder till I fall asleep to the sound of crashing.<\/p>\n
Jake\u2019s in the courtyard before first period when we go out to smoke.<\/p>\n
Knife your family down yet Chilton?<\/p>\n
You\u2019d knife your family down if they criticized your hair, says Jess.<\/p>\n
Nah, I\u2019d just renounce Jesus. This guy here? Bowie in his pocket? It\u2019s probably the biggest thing he\u2019s ever had in his pants.<\/p>\n
I tell him to fuck off.<\/p>\n
Oh, look at you, little man\u2026got your tongue back. You wanna keep that bowie or what?<\/p>\n
We paid for them, they\u2019re ours, says Jess.<\/p>\n
The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.<\/p>\n
So take them, I don\u2019t care, says Jess.<\/p>\n
Jake laughs. Girl, I like you. You\u2019re fierce. My hair, huh? Fuck, girl, you\u2019re too much. Keep your fucking knives.<\/p>\n
What do I care? He points to me. This one, though? Total serial killer material. Jeffrey Dahmer style.<\/p>\n
After the bell rings Jess whispers in my ear. Guy with no dick<\/em>.<\/p>\n In English Mr. Matthews calls on me and asks about some character peeking behind a curtain. God? I says. Cuz God\u2019s always peeking at you from behind something. That got a good laugh. After class Mr. Matthews sits on the desk in front of me like he\u2019s modeling or something. Chilton, he says, what do you like to do? I shrug. You mean for fun? I ask. He shrugs. Yeah, he says. It was kind of a funny question but I tell him I really like the outdoors. Just saw a documentary about park rangers and I liked that. He said that\u2019s great. Nature is great. Park rangers are great. And I guess he\u2019s done saying how great everything is cuz next he says, you know, there\u2019s some pretty tough tests park rangers have to take to become park rangers. You\u2019re going to have to be able to read and write well and become familiar with park ranger rules and regulations. And that\u2019s why I have to read Hamlet, I says? Yeah, he says. I say OK, but I don\u2019t understand a word of it. He says it doesn\u2019t matter, gotta read it anyway, gotta try. And he would help, cuz someday I\u2019m gonna be a park ranger.<\/p>\n I left feeling kinda weird, like he didn\u2019t really punish me but he kinda did. He got my mind going and once it gets going it doesn\u2019t stop. It goes on and on about being a park ranger, how I could get out of the house cuz I\u2019d be making a legitimate living park rangering and I could go to the big log with Jess and smoke joints and suck the mint from birch and we could see how far we could throw bottles where the water gets all dark and shadowy near the cliffs and. That made me happy even if I wasn\u2019t ever gonna read Hamlet and that afternoon kicked him into the quarry and that\u2019s where Hamlet lives now, at the bottom of the quarry. I skipped out on Mr. Matthew\u2019s class anyhow and pretty soon skipped out on all of my classes and started going down to the big log full of thoughts about being a park ranger. Hell, maybe this was all I needed to be a park ranger, just ranging the park, not that I know what park ranging is, but this sure feels like it and that\u2019s good enough for me.<\/p>\n Jess didn\u2019t agree. She told me off cuz I don\u2019t care about skipping out on class and I guess Jess is more responsible than I am. We\u2019re out by the big log whittling birch with our bowies and I said she\u2019s right. I don\u2019t care. I don\u2019t have a problem not caring. I\u2019m not sure why people go around caring. Mr. Matthews didn\u2019t care about me reading Hamlet or being a park ranger. I have to read Hamlet cuz that\u2019s his job. Assistant Manager of Getting Kids to Read Hamlet<\/em>. That kind of thing. He probably gets paid pretty good for that job and lives in a cushy part of town with the wife and kiddies and a trampoline out back with the kiddies bouncing up and down and I wonder how they keep from puking cuz I\u2019d sure as hell puke the way they bounce and I think those are some pretty sturdy non-puking kiddies Mr. Matthew\u2019s got.<\/p>\n Chilton, you gotta go back to class, it\u2019s important.<\/p>\n Why?<\/p>\n You just gotta.<\/p>\n I don\u2019t gotta.<\/p>\n You do gotta.<\/p>\n Why do you care?<\/p>\n Cuz I\u2019m your friend?<\/p>\n Yeah, why is that? Why are you my friend?<\/p>\n She says I\u2019m being a total smeg-head and I say I know I\u2019m being a total smeg-head, and I hold up my bowie.<\/p>\n One-hundred points, I says.<\/p>\n We\u2019d started throwing our bowies with different points for all sorts of stuff, distance, trees, animals, but we didn\u2019t come close to hitting an animal or even a tree and I almost lost mine down a gulley in the distance contest and it took an hour to find it cuz it got buried under a pile of leaves.<\/p>\n Don\u2019t even joke about that, Chilton. I\u2019ll tell Jake he\u2019s right about you being a psycho and I don\u2019t believe that.<\/p>\n I said I bet she would and call her a cunt.<\/p>\n What the fuck did you say? Don\u2019t you call me that!<\/p>\n Little fucking hairy cunt, I say, and throw down my bowie. I thought it was a joke, it was supposed to be a joke, but the moment it left my hand I knew it wasn\u2019t funny. Maybe cuz it stuck in the ground inches from her leg. Under the right circumstance I could see how it could be funny but she\u2019s looking at it with this surprised face that scares the shit outta me and I don\u2019t wanna think about that anymore. Then she\u2019s up and swiping me with her foot and I go over and she\u2019s got my knife down there against my junk and her face is in my face and I\u2019m freaking out. You want it gone you little shit? I\u2019ll do it, I\u2019ll cut it off!<\/em> I\u2019m flailing and kicking and screaming and scrambling and everything\u2019s a blur and next I know I\u2019m up against a tree hugging my knees and shaking and I can\u2019t control it and I\u2019m worried way in the back of my head maybe I hurt Jess and don\u2019t remember but she\u2019s there on her hands and knees huffing and puffing and I can tell she\u2019s not hurt but she\u2019s not gonna come after me with that bowie again, not anymore.<\/p>\n Chilton, calm down, OK? I wasn\u2019t actually gonna do it.<\/p>\n I felt better with my arms around my knees. I rock back and forth and that felt good.<\/p>\n You can\u2019t do that, you can\u2019t touch me, I says.<\/p>\n I didn\u2019t know. I\u2019m sorry.<\/p>\n She sits next to me against the tree. We stay there awhile and don\u2019t say anything and my breathing starts to go back to normal. As we walk out of the quarry Jess holds up my bowie and says, but this? You can\u2019t do this anymore. I know, I say. But I can\u2019t help it. Try, she says, and hands it back.<\/p>\n I stopped throwing my bowie but kept playing hooky. Mostly I biked to the mall and wandered around and got myself a Mister Chips from the money I swiped from my father\u2019s stash and one day I decided to go to the bookstore and asked the bookstore guy if they had any park ranger books.<\/p>\n You mean like nature books? he asks, squinting at me.<\/p>\n He was this old guy with a red and white bowtie.<\/p>\n I guess so.<\/p>\n Over there, he says.<\/p>\n I went in back and found the nature books and started flipping through some but they were mostly about animals or just had words and no pictures or just a few stupid black and white ones in this little section in the middle. Then I found one that was pretty thin and had lots of big shiny pictures of mountains and lakes with the moon reflected in them and animals looking out with these big eyes like they were surprised. \u201cAmerica\u2019s National Treasures.\u201d Thirty-five dollars. I had forty-two left from my dad\u2019s stash so I slapped it down and sat on a bench outside and flipped through it and then flipped back and then started again. The pictures didn\u2019t look real. They were from places like Arizona, California, New Mexico, and someplace called the Grand Tetons, which would usually make me laugh but not this time. If this guy on the back cover with a beard and glasses went and took pictures of them then why couldn\u2019t I?<\/p>\n Then there\u2019s Mr. Matthews and his wife and the trampoline kiddies in my head. Maybe this guy with the beard and glasses read Hamlet and that got him the job. How the hell was I supposed to get to these places with Hamlet at the bottom of the quarry and only a few bucks of my dad\u2019s money in my pocket? So I roll up the book and stuff it in my waistband and hop on my bike and head out to the big log and stand at the quarry edge like I\u2019m gonna kick \u201cAmerica\u2019s National Treasures\u201d out there with Hamlet but something stops me. I don\u2019t know why. Maybe cuz it was so thin it would have just flopped around in the air and got hung up on a branch anyway. So I sat and dropped rocks in the water and watched the circles crash into each other and then texted Jess.<\/p>\n Quarry?<\/em><\/p>\n Can\u2019t. Family.<\/p>\n Mall tomorrow?<\/p>\n Maybe.<\/p>\n Come on, pleeeeeese?<\/p>\n K. Have to get new bra. Titties getting bigger.<\/p>\n Ew.<\/p>\n Can you handle it?<\/p>\n OK, mall then quarry.<\/p>\n On my way home my bike chain got all chewed up cuz it\u2019s a terrible bike I found unlocked by the mall one day, like whoever it was wanted to get rid of it so I helped them. I bring it in and park it in the driveway and go to the garage to get a wrench. The door\u2019s open and it\u2019s dark in back and I\u2019m only halfway in when I know he\u2019s there.<\/p>\n Hey bud, what\u2019s up? he says.<\/p>\n Looking for the wrench, I say.<\/p>\n He and my mom must have gotten into a fight cuz that\u2019s where he goes when they fight. He slinks off and smokes in the back of the garage till it all blows over. He lifts his cigarette up to his face and he\u2019s all shaky like a stray cat I found by the river once, all wet and wobbly like you could push it over with a stick. He\u2019s not drunk or high yet but I wish he was. He doesn\u2019t give a shit about me when he\u2019s high, but when he\u2019s sober he gets all curious and asks lots of questions, I dunno why. When I say I need the wrench he puts his hand up like I got this. He goes searching for it and it\u2019s like he\u2019s never been back there before, just winging it, flipping latches, opening and closing drawers. He drops the cigarette and goes to get it and pops up all flustered.<\/p>\n What the hell you need a wrench for anyway?<\/p>\n Bike.<\/p>\n Not here.<\/p>\n That box, I say, pointing.<\/p>\n He opens the box and takes the wrench out. But instead of giving it to me he holds onto it like maybe he\u2019ll give it to me, maybe he won\u2019t and I can see he sees the book. What\u2019s that? I pull it out and hand it to him. He flips through it. You steal this? I said I didn\u2019t. You bought it? I said I didn\u2019t. Well if you didn\u2019t steal it and you didn\u2019t buy it where\u2019d you get it? I said it was a present. Who\u2019s giving you presents? I tell him they were cleaning out old books at school and giving them away. \u201cAmerica\u2019s National Treasures,\u201d he says and laughs. Thinking of getting rich treasure hunting? I\u2019m about to say something but think the better of it, so I just say, yeah sure. Then he says, nah, you didn\u2019t get this from school. Still got a price sticker on the back, see? Wheeler\u2019s Books. You swiped it. And all I can think is how I bought the book with his money only he doesn\u2019t know it and that makes me kinda sad. So it\u2019s not yours, he says. He looks at me like he\u2019s said something big and meaningful but I don\u2019t know what it is. He\u2019s holding the book out for me to take it but I guess I\u2019m a little slow cuz he starts shaking it at me. C\u2019mon, I\u2019m giving it to you. I take it and I\u2019m turning to go and he says, Yo, yo, yo, what about this? He holds out the wrench. Only he\u2019s not really holding it out cuz I have to step in to reach for it and he\u2019s looking at me like I should be laughing or something, like there\u2019s something funny going on but I don\u2019t know what it is and I leave with this swirly feeling in my head and an ache in my gut like maybe I have to take a shit.<\/p>\n I spend as much time fixing my bike as possible, go real slow, test it and test it. Maybe the sun will set, maybe the stars will come out, maybe morning will come, but only an hour passes and finally I have to go in, so I start up the stairs and that\u2019s when I hear my mom calling my dad\u2019s name from the living room.<\/p>\n No mom, it\u2019s me, I says.<\/p>\n I wait on the landing, then backtrack down the steps and go in. She\u2019s on the couch by the window wrapped up in that nappy old piss-stain blanket of hers. She turns and stares at me like she can\u2019t tell if I\u2019m there or not, like maybe she\u2019s imagining me or maybe I said something and maybe it was a question and maybe she\u2019d have to put her hands up to Hey mom.<\/p>\n Her black eye\u2019s gone green.<\/p>\n Chit, she says.<\/p>\n It sounds like shit<\/em>.<\/p>\n Chit, let me see you.<\/p>\n I go to her and she sits up and puts her hands in my hair and messes it all up and looks at me like she\u2019s never seen me before. She does this a lot. Dunno why.<\/p>\n You\u2019re such a good boy. Look at you. Such a handsome boy.<\/p>\n She leans into me and puts her head on my shoulder and I know that\u2019s it, that\u2019s what she does before she asks me to do something.<\/p>\n Chit, can you be a sweetheart and get your daddy for me?<\/p>\n Sure, I say, and head out like I\u2019m gonna get him but turn upstairs instead and go up to my room and pull out my sleeping bag and get under my bed and stay there looking through my book till morning.<\/p>\n I leave before they\u2019re up. I got loads of time to kill before meeting Jess at the mall so I bike to the Sunrise neighborhood cuz it\u2019s a good place to bike, all nice and flat with one-level ranches small and close together and before you know it you\u2019re lost cuz everything looks the same and blends together. I circle all five blocks I don\u2019t know how many times, just go round and round and \u201cAmerica\u2019s National Treasures\u201d is cutting into my back where I stuck it in my waistband. If I could live on my bike and never get off I would cuz you\u2019re never in one place at one time and no one can come up to you and give you shit cuz you can just bike off and feel pretty good about it. That\u2019s when I\u2019m coming around a corner thinking about that and someone\u2019s backing out a front door and right off the bat I know it\u2019s Mr. Matthews. I thought he\u2019d be somewhere fancier, a trampolining neighborhood, but here he is with some woman following him wearing these big-ass glasses and she\u2019s kinda fat and I\u2019m guessing it\u2019s his girl. They\u2019re dressed like they\u2019re going to church or something and start walking to a car parked in front and I\u2019m coming down the street and just as I\u2019m about to pass I shout out,<\/p>\n Hey shit stain, fuck her in the twat!<\/em><\/p>\n Their heads swing round and I stand up on the pedals and pump like my life depends on it and my heart\u2019s banging away and I\u2019m going fast enough I don\u2019t think he would know it was me. I\u2019m around a corner and my head feels light and floaty like when me and Jess got bored and bought three bottles of Dairy Whip from the corner market guy who gave us a funny look when we said it was for a birthday party but sold them to us anyway and we went to the big log and inhaled them and it lasted like three seconds but I wasn\u2019t on a bike then going way too fast making the streets a blur. If I wipe out I don\u2019t care. That would feel good, I think, the gravel scraping my arms and legs and my skin peeling back and head busting on the pavement. I can make it happen, take the corners hard, but it doesn\u2019t happen, I guess I don\u2019t want it bad enough. Streetlights start rising up and power lines crisscross and I\u2019m coming up on the main strip on the outskirts of town with the cars and traffic lights. I weave in and out of traffic to the mall parking lot on the other side and power through the lot and lock my bike up cuz I know what happens to even shit bikes if you don\u2019t lock them up. By the time I get to the entrance I smell like ass but don\u2019t care. I walk in and go to the map and run my finger down the screen and find the bra store where Jess wanted to meet. I walk around with the map in my head but end up at Sears so have to find another map and start all over again. I get to the store but don\u2019t know what to do once I\u2019m there so just chill outside and look down at the tops of heads and all the bald spots on the level below and sometimes back at the store behind me. I\u2019m too early and hate waiting so decide it\u2019s OK to go in, better than standing here. So I go in and off to the side behind some displays thinking maybe I can just chill here till Jess shows up and no one will care. There\u2019s panties and stuff hanging on the walls so I flip through them like I\u2019m shopping.<\/p>\n Doing all right over here?<\/p>\n It\u2019s a salesgirl. She\u2019s come up behind me. She\u2019s black and tall and pretty and dressed like she\u2019s ready to go out dancing but she\u2019s holding an iPad.<\/p>\n I\u2019m just looking, I say.<\/p>\n Take your time, sweetie, she says, and starts straightening out some hangers. Just so you know, unless your girl is over 30, you might want to look in another section. She points across the store.<\/p>\n She\u2019s eighteen, I say.<\/p>\n C\u2019mon, hon. You thinking panties?<\/p>\n Yeah.<\/p>\n Slim, petite, heavier?<\/p>\n Heavier.<\/p>\n She hums and scans the wall and plucks a pair off a rack.<\/p>\n Something like this look right?<\/p>\n I shake my head.<\/p>\n Bigger?<\/p>\n I nod.<\/p>\n How big we talking, hon?<\/p>\n I spread my arms wide.<\/p>\n She gives me a look and then goes over to another display and selects a pair.<\/p>\n These are really nice plus sizes. Thirty-nine ninety-nine on sale. Good deal.<\/p>\n I hold them up like I\u2019m really inspecting them, like I actually know what would look good on my imaginary girlfriend.<\/p>\n Yeah, I say, I think this is it.<\/p>\n She can always return them for the right size if these aren\u2019t right.<\/p>\n Yeah.<\/p>\n Was there anything else you wanted to get her?<\/p>\n No.<\/p>\n I\u2019ll ring these up for you, then?<\/p>\n She\u2019s holding her hand out for them but I don\u2019t give them to her cuz I realize I don\u2019t have any money left. I spent it all on that stupid book. What the hell was I thinking? She\u2019s looking at me with raised eyebrows.<\/p>\n No, I say.<\/p>\n No?<\/p>\n No.<\/p>\n You don\u2019t want them anymore?<\/p>\n I do. I really want them. But I don\u2019t have enough money and she\u2019s looking at me with those raised eyebrows You OK, hun?<\/p>\n Can you fit in these?<\/p>\n Excuse me?<\/p>\n Can you fit your fat ass in these?<\/p>\n She takes a step back. She folds her arms.<\/p>\n You need to go, right now, out that door.<\/p>\n I drop the panties and start walking away and try not to look at anyone but I can tell people are watching me, so I tear out, I\u2019m running.<\/p>\n Yo, Chilton!<\/p>\n I almost collide into Jess as she\u2019s coming in and I\u2019m going out. I hang a right and squeeze past people, trying to find the nearest exit. I come to a side entrance and bolt for the doors. I\u2019m nowhere near my bike. I\u2019m all turned around. I go down the sidewalk and around the mall till I\u2019m out of breath and sit on a bench till Jess finds me.<\/p>\n Jesus, Chilt, what happened?<\/p>\n I don\u2019t say anything. She sits and stays quiet till my breathing calms down.<\/p>\n You OK?<\/p>\n I nod.<\/p>\n What happened in there?<\/p>\n I shrug.<\/p>\n Did you do something bad?<\/p>\n Kinda, I say.<\/p>\n What\u2019s kinda?<\/p>\n Not real bad but not good.<\/p>\n Chilt, she says and shakes her head.<\/p>\n I tell her I was gonna buy her something but it didn\u2019t go right, I fucked it up.<\/p>\n What were you going to buy me?<\/p>\n A pair of panties.<\/p>\n You were gonna buy me a pair of panties?<\/p>\n I mean, I guess it was for you.<\/p>\n Well, was it for me or wasn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n I dunno. Maybe I was thinking, like, you and me coulda shared them.<\/p>\n Chilton, you\u2019re a mess.<\/p>\n I know.<\/p>\n You wanna wear panties with me?<\/p>\n I shrugged.<\/p>\n Why didn\u2019t you just say so? You don\u2019t have to cut off your dick to do that, you know.<\/p>\n I didn\u2019t but kept quiet.<\/p>\n Jess lives in an OK neighborhood about a mile from me with her mom in a lake cabin that isn\u2019t really a lake cabin anymore, they\u2019ve all been converted into everyday homes and some of them have dirt floors on the first level cuz they stopped working on them at some point. In her room I put on a pair of her panties. They didn\u2019t fit worth a damn and Jess laughed and snapped pics of my hairy stomach rolling over the lace. They came out all blurry anyway. That was the first time she saw my dick. I stood there for a while without the panties on and just let it hang. She flashed her titties and pinched them and said they were super sensitive, it was all my fault she didn\u2019t get her new bra. We\u2019re sitting on the floor and she sees the book. What\u2019s that? she says. I pick it up and flip through it and show her Yosemite and Joshua Tree and the Grand Tetons and she says it\u2019s great and wants to go. I say we can\u2019t and she says we can and I say no we can\u2019t and she says yeah I\u2019m probably right but it sure looks pretty.<\/p>\n I get home late and the house is all quiet and I creep upstairs and crawl into my sleeping bag. Jess sent me the blurry pics she took of me in her panties and I fall asleep looking at them. When I wake up my mom\u2019s screaming like I never heard before. I pull the sleeping bag over my head and squeeze my eyes shut but it sounds like she\u2019s being murdered down there. I can hear my dad yelling something but can\u2019t make out what and my mom\u2019s screams are getting worse. But this night isn\u2019t like other nights. Everything feels all blurry and chopped up in my head. I\u2019m getting out of my sleeping bag and going out into the hall, which I\u2019ve never done before. I\u2019m standing at the top of the stairs and it feels like I don\u2019t have control over what I\u2019m doing. I just know I can\u2019t stay under my bed anymore and there\u2019s nowhere else to go but down and before I know it I\u2019m standing at the living room door in the front hallway. My dad\u2019s walking back and forth in the living room without his shirt on saying something about how it\u2019s my mom\u2019s fault and she\u2019s saying it isn\u2019t and it\u2019s clear he\u2019s already smacked her good, she\u2019s in the corner on her knees holding her head in her hands. Then he swings around and when he sees me it\u2019s like he sees a ghost or something. What the fuck are you doing, he says? I don\u2019t say a thing. He says it again. I can hear my mom screaming to get out but I don\u2019t move. My dad\u2019s eyes are huge like the animal eyes in my book. He walks in circles. He yells again. What the fuck are you doing here? I don\u2019t say anything. I don\u2019t know why. I usually have no problem saying lots of shit but I\u2019ve never come downstairs when this is happening so who knows what I would say? Nothing, I guess. My mom\u2019s hysterical. My dad\u2019s screaming more stuff now but I don\u2019t remember any of it cuz next thing I know I\u2019m on the floor. I\u2019m picking my head up and the side of my face stings. Everything\u2019s ringing. I guess he hit me but I don\u2019t remember. I crawl to the closet under the stairs and shut the door and push myself back far as I can and take out my phone and dial 911. Then it\u2019s like time sped up cuz now there\u2019s a bright light in my eyes and voices and people touching me but I\u2019m not freaking out like I usually do. There\u2019s a star and a gun and red and blue lights flashing on the trunks of trees and I think of me and Jess and the panties and the book cuz I left it at her place but it\u2019s OK, I\u2019m glad I left it there. I can go back.<\/p>\n America’s National Treasures Originally published in Gulf Stream Magazine Jess has a way with guys. She talks in ways guys get. I never thought we\u2019d chill. Never thought I was cool enough. Then one day I come out to the big log by the quarry and she\u2019s smoking like she\u2019s here every day. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8422,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bu.edu\/236magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1384"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bu.edu\/236magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bu.edu\/236magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bu.edu\/236magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/8422"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bu.edu\/236magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1384"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.bu.edu\/236magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1384\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1411,"href":"https:\/\/www.bu.edu\/236magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1384\/revisions\/1411"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bu.edu\/236magazine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1384"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\ndefend herself or maybe she\u2019s just gonna sit there and look all tweaked out like she does.<\/p>\n
\neverybody\u2019s given me practically since I was born.<\/p>\nFredric Sinclair earned his MFA from Boston University, where he was awarded the Saul Bellow Fellowship in fiction. He is an alum of the Sewanee Writers\u2019 Conference and Vermont Studio Center and was awarded a fellowship from Lambda Literary for emerging LGBTQ writers. His writing has appeared or is forthcoming in The Baltimore Review, Litro Magazine<\/em>, and Gulf Stream Literary Magazine<\/em>, among others. He is currently working on a novel and a book of short stories.<\/h5>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"