Rev. Imani Sheila Newsome Camara on Domestic Violence

Is Rihanna Crazy?

Rev. Imani Sheila Newsome Camara

Is Rihanna crazy? I am not sure but we are crazed about the domestic violence event that took place between Rihanna and Chris Brown on February 8, 2009. Brown purportedly flew into a rage, biting and strangling Rihanna and threatening to kill her, bruising her face and splitting her lip. We cannot escape the blogs, the picture of her battered face, or the tight faced Chris Brown in court in a suit. You cannot turn on the evening news or the View or Oprah Winfrey, who has dedicated an entire show to the issue of domestic violence, without knowing of this tragic story.

So where is the voice of the faithful? I am looking for the religious leaders and spiritual guides who go to churches every Sunday, to teach, and preach. The press has plenty to say about the possible loss of lucrative advertising deals for Rihanna and Chris. Are religious leaders talking about the loss of one’s spiritual well-being for the victim of domestic violence? Has anyone heard prayers for the healing of perpetrators of domestic violence? It would seem that the faith community has an opportunity to speak up due to the ongoing obsession with the trials of the hip and rich.

I have been making the rounds of quite a few worship services lately. I have been waiting for that flourish in the sermon or that line in pastoral prayer that signals that the church too has something to say. In this age of public service ads, brochures in bathrooms and doctor’s offices there is still not enough talk about domestic violence in faith communities. I love how churches teach about justice but often fail to discuss how justice can be lived out in intimate relationships. We offer scripture texts for the liturgical season, but not for the seasons of relationships that often can be trying and stormy.

The texts that haunt us about who is head of a household and who must be submissive need to be talked about in worship and in the youth group. Do not think we have escaped the misogyny that hides in biblical texts and sermon illustrations. Do not think that the music videos and television programs parishioners watch when they are not in worship services, bible studies or endless committee meetings doesn’t influence how tolerable violence is in the body of Christ.

It is no secret that people often turn to their faith community for help when they face violence in a relationship. There is still too much whispering of “God never gives us more than we can handle,” floating around in faith communities. The so-called religious blessing of violence against women was a theme that may have influenced the husband of Assiya Hassan, a Muslim woman from New York, to behead her. She had filed a restraining order against him, but died at his hands.

We need to discuss why people batter and we need to understand why people stay in relationships where they are harmed. We need to understand how the cycle of hope and harm ties people into knots. There is the trauma to children who keep secrets about violence in families that cause them to repeat what they see and hear in public. There is abuse in LBGT relationships in our communities that few ever acknowledge. We in the church and other faith communities need to work to provide resources, and support to communities who think domestic violence is a private matter. We need to speak about domestic violence without apology.

Back to Rihanna and Chris Brown. They both have issues, he with anger and she, if she is silent, as an enabler of domestic violence. I do not think Rihanna or Chris Brown is crazy but they need help professional help. Being rich, hip and young is not an excuse to avoid responsible reflection by both of the partners in this dynamic duo.

Chris Brown belts out a song called Captive in which he sings, “I think it’s time you learned your lesson…Locking you up and throwing away the key.” I hope he decides to get some gentler lyrics and learns to act like a responsible man in the future. I hope Rihanna learns to care for her self and avoid singing, “Said I’ll always be a friend…Took an oath I’ma stick it out till the end,” because she might want to give herself some other options.

I hope the faith community especially the church rises up and speaks about domestic violence. I hope seminaries, like the one where I do ministry as a Dean and counselor, will teach more about the crisis of domestic violence, then I can sing, with Rihanna. Now, where’s my umbrella?