Relationships

How are your relationships? Do you find it easy or difficult to communicate with your partner, friends and roommates? Here are some tips and tricks for productive and healthy communication; and how to find out if your relationship is toxic… 


Communication is the Key to any Healthy Relationship. It is the best way to get your needs met and feel heard.


Before conflict arises, think about the following:

  • Game plan for conflict: map out what you will each try to do during a conflict to allow for a safe environment to discuss tense and difficult topics.
  • Give and Take: remember to compliment your partner as often as you point out their mistakes.
  • It’s not what you say, but how you say it: if you’re frustrated by a messy room, instead of expressing anger (I hate this mess!) express sensitivity to the other person’s feelings and attention to yours (I know you’re busy, but can we please clean this?)

When conflict arises, try the following:

  • Agree on a time to sit and talk with your partner, friend or roommate about the issue.
  • Deal with one issue at a time.
  • Use "I" statements instead of "you" statements.  For example: When you___(specific behavior)___, I feel/think______; so next time could you please ___(specific new behavior)___.
  • It’s easy to make assumptions: ask the other person directly what they are thinking or intending and say what you mean to avoid misunderstandings.  
  • Approach conflict when you are calm rather than angry or upset. Effectively communicate your thoughts by using a calm, audible voice, maintaining good eye contact, and having a relaxed and unthreatening posture.
  • Be willing to find a compromise that satisfies both parties.

Roommate Discussion Tips: To avoid conflict with Your Roommate be proactive and discuss aspects of communal living that will affect you both from the start:

  • Compare schedules—find out when your roommate will be sleeping and when she/he will be studying.
  • Neat freak?—let your roommate know ahead of time how neat you want your room to be and come up with an agreeable compromise.
  • Guests—how will you negotiate the best times to invite guests and when they can sleep over?
  • Room arrangements—decide together how you want your beds to be and what you would like to put on the walls.
  • Sharing—let your roommate know what she/he can and cannot borrow from you.
  • Music and television—reach an agreement about how loud music and television can be played or when it’s best to be using headphones.
  • Game plan—decide now how to deal with conflict, so when you have to communicate about a tense topic you already know the best way.
  • BU Goals—discuss priorities and goals for your college experience so that you know what is important for each other.   
  • Fighting—talk about how you react when you are angry, what makes you angry, and what your pet-peeves are to prevent fighting. 
  • Your time—talk about what you do during free time, or your plans for the weekend so that you can coordinate with each other and make living together as smooth as possible.

Toxic Relationships: 

Do you feel drained, criticized, or like you are being judged all the time? If so, chances are you're involved in a "toxic" relationship. Below are some signs the relationship you are in may not be a healthy one:

If the person:

  • Uses intimidation and threats to withhold love or to leave you
  • Makes you feel guilty or claim you are too self-centered
  • Makes you feel bad about yourself or puts you down
  • Uses charm and flattery to pull you back
  • Turns the tables by playing the victim
  • Toxic relationships can cause chronic fear, loss of sense of self, and isolation
  • Finding your way out IS possible with the support and help of friends and family.  And for more help come in to Behavioral Medicine at BU Student Health Services and speak to a counselor.

For additional resources check out these sites:

 

WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS AND IMPROVING THEM? WANT TO HELP YOUR FRIENDS DEAL WITH ISSUES REGARDING RELATIONSHIPS? WANT TO SPREAD AWARENESS REGARDING RELATIONSHIPS?

Check out Relationships Quick Facts

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