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  Relationships

Spring, Metcalf Science BuildingEven loving couples have problems at some time. Communication can help or hurt. The way couples argue tells a lot about the future of the relationship, according to John Gottman, Ph.D. Arguments or fights are not predictive of divorce, but rather what people do to repair the conflict. Gottman believes there are four behaviors that are damaging to relationships: criticism, stonewalling (withdrawing from a discussion), contempt, and defensiveness. These negative ways of interacting hurt relationships. They sabotage positive feelings and leave partners angry, alone, and frustrated. Learning to avoid these behaviors can help resolve conflicts and enhance communication and closeness.

 Are you or your partner guilty of any of these communication styles?
  • Criticizing your partner's opinions, feelings, or desires
  • Putting down the thoughts, feelings, actions, or worth of your partner
  • Name calling
  • Insensitivity
  • Stonewalling
  • Making accusations
  • Avoiding disagreements or important discussions
  • Disregarding
  • Withdrawing from conflicts
  • Bringing up past hurts
Signs of relationship stress:
  • Attempted conversations are often met with silence
  • Conversations often end in an argument or with hurt feelings
  • Frequent arguments about raising the children
  • Frequent arguments about the quantity of alcohol consumed
  • Hurt feelings from the past are dragged up during an argument
  • Little time is spent relaxing, being playful, or romantic
  • Time with friends, children, or work seems to take priority
Enhanced communication, mutual empathy, and closeness can often lessen these problems. If you and your partner are experiencing these or any other issues of concern please call our office at 617/353-5381 to schedule a consultation.

Some related links are: Separation and Divorce

Charles River Regatta There are times when it becomes necessary for couples to seek a separation or divorce. Whether children are involved or not, this is never an easy process. Even in the most amicable of separations there is pain. If you are experiencing separation or divorce, it may be helpful to talk about some of the issues and to learn about available resources. The FSAO can assist you by providing referrals to community based resources, individual therapy, or couples counseling. Even in the process of a separation, it is sometimes useful to have a couples counselor assist you and your spouse/partner in communicating effectively. Please call the office to schedule an appointment or to speak with someone over the phone.

Some links related to separation or divorce are: Abusive Relationships

If you or someone you know is experiencing these behaviors by a boyfriend, partner, or spouse, you or they may be the victim in an emotionally and/or physically abusive relationship:
  • Actual or threatened physical harm
  • Disrespect
  • Harassment
  • Inability to control anger
  • Intimidation
  • Isolation from family and friends
  • Name calling, put-downs
  • Sexual assault
  • Withholding of money
You may need to get information and help. We can help. Call us at 617/353-5381.

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270 Bay State Road
Room B-30
Boston, MA 02215
617/353-5381

Last Updated June 5, 2007
 
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